Much to my husband's disappointment, I've never been one to show a lot of cleavage. Not a prudish decision, just hasn't been my style. I've got the goods, I just haven't been one to flaunt them. Lately however, I find I'm seeking out tops with slightly more daring necklines; nothing flashy or inappropriate, just a little more oomph. Wearing softer necklines does make me feel more feminine, and if a little extra attention or appreciation is generated by them, I don't hate that.
I suppose it could be seen as pathetic or needy (vain, actually) of me, but sporting my future surgical scar is the part of my valve replacement I'm least looking forward to. Okay, the part about them stopping my heart isn't my favorite either. But I have full faith in the doctors to get the old pumper working again on cue. The scar, however, will be with me the rest of my life. A small price to pay when you consider the alternative, but still.
I guess altering my style of dress is a pre-emptive strike against any insecurities I'll feel about the scar. I'm not going to wear turtlenecks every day for the rest of my life, which means the scar WILL be partially visible on a regular basis no matter what I choose to wear. I don't want to gross anyone out (me in particular) but I don't want to feel I have to hide it either.
All things considered, there are much, much worse conditions people live with every day. I'll try not to let a little scratch turn into a chip on my shoulder. Plus, sporting a visible war wound could be an ice-breaking conversation starter!
* Black Knight, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, 1975.
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